Fights, within me.

If you were me, how would you choose?

There's two MEs fighting within ME.
To be stubborn or not to be.
To hold on my dream or not to hold on.

People, who're close to me would know about my entirely new plan about my studies.
And of course my STPM's result too.

People, who're VERY close to me would know what're my fears about my THAT NEW PLAN.

But no, I'm not exposing my result over here.
I will be telling, too, just ask me personally, and only if you're close to me.
(I know right, no one even bothers about it, blek :P just let me do it in a superstar's style hahaha XD)

So ya, there's a new plan and there's also some fights happening within me.
In my previous post, I talked about my dreams,
Including my dream to become a veterinarian.
But now, it seems to be so impossible to me.

To be honest, I cried so many times for my result.
Not really for my result, but for my future.
How can I opted to just play around at the moment / period that would decide who I am?
How can I do not pay my really hard hard work to get my dreams achieved?
How can I......

Before that, I would like to apologise to anyone / everyone that I bin-o-o to them that day.
I'm sorry I just can't......
And to those who doesn't get my reply in messages. 
I cannot handle my mood well that day.
My result is totally out of my expectation.
I broke down finally in front of him.
And when I'm back in home, I even cried in front of my mom...
(Which I rarely or even never really cry in front of her like this.)
Kind of awkward that I just broke down when I saw her.
But I feel really warm inside.
Thank you mom!
Thanks to daddy too!
I know, no matter what decision I made, you both will be there for me forever.
Supporting me soundlessly, just to make me happy.

Okay back to the topic.
The fights. Ya.
What are the fights?
It's actually just a lil fight within me which is to continue pursuing my dream to become a vet or 'kao kei' (simply) find a course to 'kao kao kei kei' get a university cert.

There's actually three course options for me now.
1) To become a vet which the entire process would takes me at least 7 years.
2) To become a music-related-people.
3) To take up property management course which this course has totally nothing to do with what I've studied in STPM. 

Seriously, thrice of these three courses will just to prove me wrong in taking STPM.
Maybe not the last option but still it has nothing to do with the subjects I studied. -_______-
But since, I'm that kind of really stubborn people that I MUST BE A VET.
So..guessing I'm taking road one, most probably.
And if I'm not being accepted, this post will just be deleted or at least modified.
Pray hard T.T 

For road one,
Here comes another fights.
1) I don't have faith in myself, that I can really become a vet.
2) I scare about anything, just anything especially insects (ESPECIALLY COCKROACH). Okay I know vet is not going to deal with it, but who knows if cockroach crawl into the animal body and makes them sick and I might have to do surgery on them to remove the cockcroach.. ok dreaming. slap me. But at least, I've to deal with those worms....... :( !!!
3) Can I really be hardworking to make sure I'm not writing this post again few years later...
4) As if I'm doing well, I'll exempted from first year of bachelor of vet medicine & surgery. So can I really do well?!
5) It's a private-road in sg And it will definitely burden my parents. And I'll have to travel overseas to pursue my degree which this worries me the most.

For road two,
Can music leads me a bright way ahead? I doubt.
I know I can be anything... Performer, Composer, Singer, and any job related to music.
Yes I love music, but I don't really think music is my future...
And it's also, a private-road. Although I'd be study locally, but aiks.... 

And the last one,
It's the course I chose for myself if I were to study in local university
I love managing things especially money LOL
My heart got a lil bit moved when I first heard my sir recommending this course.
And my mom accidentally talk about job related to this.

So how would you choose?
Kindly leave me some of your opinion, I need it like...ya urgently.
And I'm suffering from severe headache seriously, so please T.T
(LOL Headache still can blog eh meh?! :/)
But no cheat, I really headache one and I need to take medicine to sleep or else I cannot :((

Okay, till then.
Still have to cheng beng tomorrow.
Hope to listen from you soon!
Goodbye! *kisssss*

ahfen wrote


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