Rainy Day

Tik dak tik dak - enjoying the melody of the rain. 

Still have to write something to make myself feel relief whenever I'm moody.
Perks of being a blogger. Writing is everything.
Just another random moody thing of mine. You might just skip it.
I need something to hold on to now. So just let me.

Rainy day, rains everywhere in North M'sia. (i suppose?)
Perlis and Kedah have been raining all the time.
And I'm having the same mood as the weather.

Went to hospital earlier to check on my mother.
Not a big deal, don't ask :)

Went to have dinner with my babe v.
Talked a lot on our relationships. *shakyshaky*

Went home and daddy was watching television.
Talked a lot. He knew. I don't know how much he knows.

I'm that kind of person, that I run from problems, whenever there is.
I'm that kind of people, who deny the sad truths.
And I'm that kind of girl, whose bravery and confident don't work on me.

I've been wondering, if I'm a lot more confident and braver, would it be a lot more different now?
I mean....my life....

Life's always shitty.

"The more he shows off of something, the more he's lacking on that thing..."
This brought me into deep thoughts.
Over the facebook, twitter, and all my social networks, I try not to share negative things.
As I really hate seeing people sharing useless negative thoughts over the internet.
You have the time to compose a post, but not a single minute to get the problem settled?
* Clarification : I do sometimes share some negative mood of mine too....
I mean like, not every single statuses.... especially those that consists of commit suicide's thing, and the cursing other people to death's thing.

I always, try to, hmmmm, to share some positive mood of mine over my social networks.
I always wish my appearance could make someone feels brighter and better.
As I know how annoying it is to bother someone with your own mood rubbish.

But now, I wonder, do I find true peace?
Or, I am just so afraid to show my flaws to the public?

Touched on a big whole surface of my sensitive area. with my dad, and with my babe v.
I feel so helpless that I could actually find no one to talk to.
Seeing that, there's a super long list of contacts to be scrolled through. None.

Having no one to trust? No. I trust every friend of mine.
Afraid of secret-booming type of person? No, I don't actually afraid of.
Afraid of loosing someone? Yes.

I am actually always in a great fear, that I might eventually lose everyone around me.
Born-live-aging-death. 生老病死 LOL. ya. eventually.
Guess I mentioned before right, that I still cannot accept the truth that my parents are going to leave me one day, eventually. Can't at all. This brings me tears, and it never fail me.

And I solely understand how it feels like to have super negative peers.
They can draw you into their dark world, without any words spoken.
Just the mood, the feeling is more than enough.

So I always try, not to cry over someone's shoulder, if I could still manage it well.
I even try not to split out my negative thing to my friend, like not at all.
Even if I had to, I try to keep it short, keep it simple, keep it brief, and keep it positive.

Super tired.
I feel extremely tired.
I'm exhausted.

Time to sleep, sleep can miraculously heals me.
(I mean scrolling over all the apps until I fall asleep lol haha!)
Tomorrow I'm gonna shine bright like a diamond again.

ahfen wrote


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